It’s Coming

My wife and I are Caucasian. Our daughter is fully Hispanic with beautiful dark hair, brown eyes and dark skin. Our son is fully Hispanic, but very Caucasian-looking. According to my daughter, though, I (Eric) am the “odd-ball” in the family. Why, because I am the only one with blue eyes; everyone else in our little family has brown eyes.  I’m okay with being the odd-ball, but I’m afraid that won’t always be the case.

As far as we know, our daughter hasn’t experience any racism; at least none that her 5-year-old brain can identify, but I’m afraid it is coming. We have started talking about how some people are treated differently because of how they look, but she doesn’t fully understand yet. The day is going to come, though, when she starts to understand it. I’ve prepared myself for it, but I got a feeling that I still won’t be ready when it happens.

What are other people doing to prepare their children? As a Caucasian, I am not an expert on racism, at least not from the perspective that my daughter will some day face. How does a Caucasian parent prepare an child of color for racism? How do I talk about this without sounding racist? I feel so ill-equipped, but I want my daughter to be equipped.

Help me.

~Eric~

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Getting caught up

We have been away from this blog for a while but a number of recent comments have brought us back. I am in the process of getting caught up and it will take a while. I have been surprised, though, by the number of comments from hurt and angry adoptees and mothers who have given their child up for adoption. Adoption is an emotional issue and I have no interest in offending anyone, but please keep things civil here. Name-calling is not going to be tolerated here. With that said, I still want to honor your comments and feelings. I want people to feel encouraged and listened to. If you want to debate the right and wrongs of adoption, you will want to find a different blog to have that discussion. If you are looking for adoption support or have questions or just need to be heard, please read and leave your comments here. I will try to do better to stay up-to-date.

God bless

~Eric~

Still here and will continue to be

My wife and I have not been very good, lately, at keeping up with this blog. Many of you have shared your stories and have read/responded to the stories of others. We appreciate all this interaction and pray that it is helpful. As we turn to a new year we plan to make a better effort to write more and respond to comments left here. There is obviously a need for this forum and therefore we want to make sure there is something here for people.

And so, God bless you as you celebrate Christmas and may the peace of Christ fill your hearts.

Have a happy new year đŸ™‚

~Eric~

Finalization Day ~ Malachi

Today has finally arrived.

After beginning our first adoption process on June 28, 2012 and going through two failed adoptions, today (Aug 31, 2015) we have a finalization hearing for a second adoption; our son Malachi. Today we anxiously await the judge to declare that this adoption is in the best interests of this child. We have a number of friends that are going to be present today, including both sets of baptismal sponsors and we couldn’t be more thankful that they are also part of this special day.

Today marks the day when Malachi’s name will be officially and legally changed and when we get to apply for a social security number for him. That is just paperwork and red tape that must be gone though, but our relationship with Malachi doesn’t change.

Malachi is our son.

He became our son when he was first placed in our arms on November 1, 2014. So nothing changes when it comes to our relationship with him, but there is something about the finalization of an adoption to put the final bow on this wonderful gift from God.

And so we are excited and thankful today, and will continue to be as both our children (Mayah and Malachi) bring us such great joy. And we continue to praise our awesome God. The road has been long and bumpy but I wouldn’t change a thing; for this long road has changed my wife and me for the better as it has prepared us to be the parents that God created us to be.

Praise be to God!

~Eric~

Never, Ever Alone

Dreams have been shattered,
Hope seems lost,
but
you are never, ever alone.

A precious life ripped from you,
a beautiful child gone,
but
you are never, ever alone.

The pain seems overwhelming,
the grief seems more than you can bare,
but
you are never, ever alone.

People seemingly don’t understand,
searching and searching for words to say,
but
you are never, ever alone.

You just want to hide,
and bury your pain,
but
you are never, ever alone.

God may not make sense,
His ways are far above you,
but
you are never, ever alone.

God is love,
holding you securely in His arms,
and
will never,ever let you go.

Not Alone

I continue to be amazed and moved with compassion with all the stories people share on this site about their failed adoptions. I remember thinking and feeling so alone after we went through our two failed adoptions. Some people around us found it hard to empathize because something like this doesn’t seem all that common, but failed adoptions are out there. I don’t know how “common” they are but from reading all these comments on our failed adoption story page here, it seems pretty common. Just recently a friend of mine email me about a friend of there’s trying to make sense of a failed adoption. I referred her to this blog in hopes that through reading the stories of others they wouldn’t feel alone.

The fact of the matter is that there is no easy road to healing. There indeed is a grieving process that one must go through, and hopefully it is one that is gone through with loving family and friends. But the other fact is that even if there are no people around to help you heal, God is there. And that is not a cliche that I am throwing out there. For my wife and I, our faith is what helped us. It was the knowledge and certainty that God was doing something through us, even though we couldn’t imagine what that was.

And now we have two beautiful children.

If that wasn’t God’s plan for my wife and I, I can about imagine we would have been disappointed but my hope is that my faith is in such a place that I would have continued to praise God. I can’t see the whole picture but I am confident that God is doing what God is doing for his glory and in the best interests of his children, even if it doesn’t make sense now.

So keep sharing your stories. My wife and I indeed read them and I know others do as well. I may not always respond to comments quickly but I WILL respond (and I will try to respond faster in the future).

God bless,
Eric

An Open Letter to a Birth Mother

[This post was originally published on Eric’s blog,The Heart of a Pastor]

Dear birth mother,

I can’t imagine how you must be feeling this day; the eve of Mother’s Day, knowing that you are not mothering the child you brought into this world. But I want you to know how thankful I am for you and for your courage. You made the difficult choice to place your child for adoption. But not only that, you made it possible for me to be a father and my wife to be a mother.

For the longest time I struggled with why God had not chosen me to be a father. I struggled with a God watching my wife and me struggle to get pregnant. I struggled to watch others around me parent children while I waited and wondered; will it ever happen for me? For the longest time I struggled, but through God you brought our struggle to an end.

And now…

Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for the child you entrusted us to raise.
Not a day goes by that I don’t look at my child and smile.
Not a day goes by that I don’t consider your sacrifice.

In my eyes you are an amazing woman and my child (your child) will grow up to know how amazing you are as well. We will never stop speaking of you. We will never stop praying for you. We will never stop remembering you.

But I also want you to know that even though my child does not contain my DNA, that does not mean my love for them is lessened in anyway. The child you brought into this world is loved beyond measure. But even though I love my child there is one that I love more than them: God. And because of this they will know God and His amazing love for His children. And my prayer is that this child will grow to share that love with others.

Birth mother, know that you are remembered, cherished and loved. Your choice will never be forgotten. Your sacrifice will always be remembered. And even though you brought an end to our struggles I recognize that your’s may continue. And so if it is of any comfort to you, know that your child is being showered with love every single moment.

I thank you, again, for entrusting your child to me and I pray that you may always know the love of your heavenly Father. You gave your child up in an attempt to give them a better life (and I pray that I won’t let you down) and God gave up his Son, Jesus, that you may live forever.

So on this Birth Mother’s Day I celebrate you. You may not be “mothering” the child you brought into this world but you will always be a mother in my eyes.

May God bless you always and forever.

Sincerely,
A grateful father